Teens cry out for firmness

​​"How much suffering we would save ourselves with just a no, answering firmly to the voice of seduction" (Johan Caspar Lavater), and how much unnecessary suffering we would save our children with just a no.

My children are in adolescence, a beautiful stage we have all gone through, when we begin to exercise our freedom and become aware of what it means to live, taking responsibility for our decisions.

Teenagers need firm parents, they cry out for it, they need us to say no. Not everything the world offers them is in their best interest or is best for them, not because it is bad, but because it may not be the right time, or because there is something better waiting for them.

We have been going through a crisis of firmness for a long time now; today's parents are insecure, indecisive, undefined, there is too much information that can be accessed with just a search on our cell phones. 

All this is already known, but how can we be firm with our children, exercising authority without coercing their freedom?

Being firm brings some consequences that we do not like: the children get angry, some doors will be closed with more force, we will have bad faces for a few hours (if we are lucky), or for a few days... 

They will make us doubt, we will feel bad, but we know deep in our hearts that this NO is what is right for them. We do not need to be perfect to be firm, that is, it would be ideal if we were consistent in how we think and act, but it is not a prerequisite when it comes to our children.

There is nothing more horrible than having parents who think they are perfect, so imperfection is human and what our children want and long for firm, human parents.

We live firmness when we demand the right thing in the right way even if we don't like it.

Those reactions of our children that we do not like so much, should not affect us, we should not take it personally, they are growing up and it is part of their process.

We mothers sometimes have tears running down our cheeks; that is fine, it means that it hurts us, and when it hurts us it means that we are suffering, and if we are suffering it means that we are educating.

Sometimes we demand more than what our children can actually give, so flexibility and understanding come into play. "One must require from each one the duty which each one can perform,” the king went on. “Accepted authority rests first of all on reason. This is what the king of Asteroid 325 tells us in the book The Little Prince.

Without authority, children feel helpless and aimless, and authority must be exercised firmly.

We parents are in constant tension, we squeeze, release, observe and start again, and if we do not know, we must ask.

This is the Art of Educating our children.